The Most Pretentious Diet Plan Yet

– Hi, I’m Penny, and I’m pesticide free.
– Hi, I’m Daisy, and I’m 80 percent kale.
– [Both] Look at our veg.
– We’re the co-writers of “Oh
But It’s Health Food Darling”
– An e-book that tells you
what to eat based on crap
we read on the Internet.
– We’re not dietitians,
but we’re Instagram famous,
so we know best.
– And yes, we are on a juice cleanse.
(sucking straw)
(stomach gurgling)
– Dietary restrictions are
totally trending right now.
We can’t eat any of this.
– Just two waters.
(toilet flushing)
(stomach gurgling)
(toilet flushing)
– Our new diet plan is
full of disgusting foods
that convey how very maudlin
and delicate you are.
– [Both] So organic.
– Now, a quick test.
Brioche, Daisy?
– Bread is dead.
– Correct.
You’re special enough to
have a wheat allergy now.
– Ooh, sophisticated.
– Other restricted items include: milk.
– [Daisy] Ugh, bloating.
– [Penny] Paleo’s so last year.
– [Daisy] You do want teeth, don’t you?
– Now for what you can have.
To eat.
Cruelty-free quinoa.
Vegan cupcakes.
Locally sourced air.
– To drink.
Almond milk.
Coconut water.
Your own urine.
– Buy our e-book now and
receive the free gift
of feeling superior.
– But hurry, it won’t
stay fashionable for long.
– And if you’re shitting dirty bath water,
that just means it’s working.
– Are we done, I just, I need to…
(stomach gurgling)
– Yeah, me too.
(upbeat music)

William Babineau

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